Costello Wants A Computer
Tuesday, May 17th, 2005 | Author: David Morris
For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on….
COSTELLO calls to buy a computer from ABBOTT:
ABBOTT: | Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? |
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COSTELLO: | Thanks, I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer. |
ABBOTT: | Mac? |
COSTELLO: | No, the name’s Lou. |
ABBOTT: | Your computer? |
COSTELLO: | I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one. |
ABBOTT: | Mac? |
COSTELLO: | I told you, my name’s Lou. |
ABBOTT: | What about Windows? |
COSTELLO: | Why? Will it get stuffy in here? |
ABBOTT: | Do you want a computer with Windows? |
COSTELLO: | I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows? |
ABBOTT: | Wallpaper. |
COSTELLO: | Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. |
ABBOTT: | Software for Windows? |
COSTELLO: | No. For the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have? |
ABBOTT: | Office. |
COSTELLO: | Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? |
ABBOTT: | I just did. |
COSTELLO: | You just did what? |
ABBOTT: | Recommended something. |
COSTELLO: | You recommended something? |
ABBOTT: | Yes. |
COSTELLO: | For my office? |
ABBOTT: | Yes. |
COSTELLO: | OK, what did you recommend for my office? |
ABBOTT: | Office. |
COSTELLO: | Yes, for my office? |
ABBOTT: | I recommend Office with Windows. |
COSTELLO: | I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? |
ABBOTT: | Word. |
COSTELLO: | What word? |
ABBOTT: | Word in Office. |
COSTELLO: | The only word in office is office? |
ABBOTT: | The Word in Office for Windows. |
COSTELLO: | Which word in office for windows? |
ABBOTT: | The Word you get when you click the blue “W”. |
COSTELLO: | I’m going to click your blue “W” if you don’t start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? |
ABBOTT: | Yes, you want Real One. |
COSTELLO: | Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need! |
ABBOTT: | Real One. |
COSTELLO: | If it’s a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them? |
ABBOTT: | Of course. |
COSTELLO: | Great! With what? |
ABBOTT: | Real One. |
COSTELLO: | OK, I’m at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? |
ABBOTT: | You click the blue “1”. |
COSTELLO: | I click the blue one what? |
ABBOTT: | The blue “1”. |
COSTELLO: | Is that different from the blue “W”? |
ABBOTT: | The blue “1” is Real One and the blue “W” is Word. |
COSTELLO: | What word? |
ABBOTT: | The Word in Office for Windows. |
COSTELLO: | But there are three words in “office for windows!” |
ABBOTT: | No, just one. But it’s the most popular Word in the world. |
COSTELLO: | It is? |
ABBOTT: | Yes, but to be fair, there aren’t many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the others Words out there. |
COSTELLO: | And that word is real one? |
ABBOTT: | Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn’t even part of Office. |
COSTELLO: | STOP! Don’t start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? |
ABBOTT: | Money. |
COSTELLO: | That’s right. What do you have? |
ABBOTT: | Money. |
COSTELLO: | I need money to track my money? |
ABBOTT: | It comes bundled with your computer. |
COSTELLO: | What’s bundled with my computer? |
ABBOTT: | Money. |
COSTELLO: | Money comes with my computer? |
ABBOTT: | Yes. No extra charge. |
COSTELLO: | I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? |
ABBOTT: | One copy. |
COSTELLO: | Isn’t it illegal to copy money? |
ABBOTT: | Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. |
COSTELLO: | They can give you a license to copy money? |
ABBOTT: | Why not? THEY OWN IT! |
(A few days later) | |
ABBOTT: | Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? |
COSTELLO: | How do I turn my computer off? |
ABBOTT: | Click on “START”…. |
Category: Computer