On a Sear’s hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Dang, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap:
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(And that would be how?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(But, it’s “just” a suggestion.)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
“Do not turn upside down.”
(Well duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
“Product will be hot after heating.”
(And you thought?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
“Do not iron clothes on body.”
(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:
“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(And I’m taking this because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
“For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
“Not to be used for the other use.”
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury’s peanuts:
“Warning: contains nuts.”
(Talk about a news flash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
(Step 3: Maybe, fly Delta?)

On a child’s superman costume:
“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
(Oh my God, was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)