{"id":399,"date":"2006-11-27T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-11-27T04:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.paragonis.com\/Emails\/?p=399"},"modified":"2009-11-20T23:48:17","modified_gmt":"2009-11-21T03:48:17","slug":"how-many-dogs-does-it-take-to-change-light-bulb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/?p=399","title":{"rendered":"How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change Light Bulb?"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb?<\/u><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n1. Golden Retriever:<\/b><\/td>\nThe sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n2. Border Collie:<\/b><\/td>\nJust one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n3. Dachshund:<\/b><\/td>\nYou know I can't reach that stupid lamp!?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n4. Rottweiler:<\/b><\/td>\nMake me.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n5. Boxer:<\/b><\/td>\nWho cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n6. Lab:<\/b><\/td>\nOh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n7. German Shepherd:<\/b><\/td>\nI'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n8. Jack Russell Terrier:<\/b><\/td>\nI'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n9. Old English Sheep Dog:<\/b><\/td>\nLight bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n10. Cocker Spaniel:<\/b><\/td>\nWhy change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n11. Chihuahua:<\/b><\/td>\nYo quiero Taco Bulb. Or \"We don't need no stinking light bulb.\"<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n12. Greyhound:<\/b><\/td>\nIt isn't moving. Who cares?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n13. Australian Shepherd:<\/b><\/td>\nFirst, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n14. Poodle:<\/b><\/td>\nI'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
How Many Cats Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb?<\/u><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n\"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?\"<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

<\/code><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb? 1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-399","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-animals"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/399","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=399"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/399\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":414,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/399\/revisions\/414"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=399"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=399"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=399"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}