A DOG’S DIARY<\/p>\n
7 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
\n8 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
\n9 am – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
\nNoon – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
\n2 pm – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
\n3 pm – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
\n4 pm – Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
\n6 pm – Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
\n7 pm – Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
\n8 pm – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
\n9 pm – Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
\n11 pm – Oh boy! Sleeping in my people’s bed! My favorite!<\/p>\n
A CAT’S DIARY<\/p>\n
Day 183 of my captivity.
\nMy captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.<\/p>\n
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded – must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair – must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.<\/p>\n
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event! However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.<\/p>\n
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A DOG’S DIARY 7 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm – Oh boy! The kids! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-398","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-animals"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=398"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":413,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398\/revisions\/413"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}