Bar Troubleshooting Guide<\/p>\n
<\/code><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Bar Troubleshooting Guide SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to gent’s room, practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Feet cold and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-336","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=336"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=336"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=336"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=336"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/p>\n\n
\n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Beer unusually pale and tasteless.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n Glass empty.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n Get someone to buy you another beer.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n Retire to gent's room, practice in mirror.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Feet cold and wet.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n Glass being held at incorrect angle.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Feet warm and wet.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n Improper bladder control.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n Stand next to nearest dog, complain about its house training. Demand beer.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Floor blurred.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n You are looking through bottom of empty glass.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n Get someone to buy you another beer.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Floor moving.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n You are being carried out.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n Find out if you are being taken to another bar.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n You have fallen over backward.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n Have yourself leashed to bar.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Mouth contains cigarette butts.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n You have fallen forward.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n See above.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n SYMPTOM:<\/td>\n Room seems unusually dark.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n FAULT:<\/td>\n Bar has closed.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n ACTION:<\/td>\n Confirm home address with bartender.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n