Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.<\/p>\n
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.<\/p>\n
Atheism is a nonprophet organization.<\/p>\n
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.<\/p>\n
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts but as mattresses?<\/p>\n
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?<\/p>\n
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?<\/p>\n
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?<\/p>\n
Is there another word for synonym?<\/p>\n
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be removed?<\/p>\n
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”<\/p>\n
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?<\/p>\n
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?<\/p>\n
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?<\/p>\n
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?<\/p>\n
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?<\/p>\n
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?<\/p>\n
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?<\/p>\n
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?<\/p>\n
What was the best thing before sliced bread?<\/p>\n
I’m not schizophrenic. You only think we are.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Atheism is a nonprophet organization. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts but as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=331"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}