“Competitive salary:” We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.<\/p>\n
“Join our fast-paced company:” We have no time to train you;<\/p>\n
“Casual work atmosphere:” We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.<\/p>\n
“Mmust be deadline oriented:” You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.<\/p>\n
“Sone overtime required:” Some time each night and some time each weekend.<\/p>\n
“Duties will vary:” Anyone in the office can boss you around.<\/p>\n
“Must have an eye for detail:” We have no quality control.<\/p>\n
“Career-minded:” Female Applicants must must be childless (and remain that way).<\/p>\n
“Apply in person:” If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.<\/p>\n
“No phone calls please:” We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.<\/p>\n
“Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience:” You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.<\/p>\n
“Problem-solving skills a must:” You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.<\/p>\n
“Requires team leadership skills:” You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.<\/p>\n
“Good communication skills:” Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.<\/p>\n
“I’m extremely adept at all manner of office organization:” I’ve used Microsoft Office.<\/p>\n
“I’m honest, hard-working and dependable:” I pilfer office supplies.<\/p>\n
“My pertinent work experience includes:” I hope you don’t ask me all the McJobs I’ve had.<\/p>\n
“I take pride in my work:” I blame others for my mistakes.<\/p>\n
“I’m personable:” I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.<\/p>\n
“I’m extremely professional:” I carry a Day-Timer.<\/p>\n
“I am adaptable:” I’ve changed jobs a lot.<\/p>\n
“I am on the go:” I’m never at my desk.<\/p>\n
“I’m highly motivated to succeed:” The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Employer Lingo “Competitive salary:” We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. “Join our fast-paced company:” We have no time to train you; “Casual work atmosphere:” We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. “Mmust be deadline oriented:” You’ll be six months […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-corporate"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/325","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=325"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/325\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=325"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=325"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=325"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}