Traveling abroad can be a wonderful experience, but it’s even better when you’re prepared. Here are some tips to help make your next trip a safe and enjoyable one:<\/p>\n
Get foreign TV schedules in advance to decide exactly what shows you want to watch. <\/p>\n
Always bellow, “I’m an American, you filthy foreign barbarians!” to ensure top-quality service while abroad. <\/p>\n
If you bend over to close your suitcase and hear a “Zwip! Thump!” sound, then discover a knife wobbling in the wall behind you, it could mean you’ve unintentionally become entangled in a web of international espionage and intrigue. <\/p>\n
Carrying cash is unwise when traveling abroad; be sure to purchase plenty of McDonald’s gift certificates before you leave.<\/p>\n
Before leaving home, take your pets to local humane society and have them put to sleep; get new pets when you come back. <\/p>\n
Many people in foreign countries do not speak English; you may need to speak louder and\/or slower in order to make yourself understood. <\/p>\n
When traveling through Europe, remind everyone you encounter that, if not for America, they would all be speaking German. (Note: Does not work in Germany.)<\/p>\n
Do not treat foreign waiters with the slightest shred of human dignity; a friendly attitude will only earn their disrespect. <\/p>\n
If you see Karl Malden ominously narrating before a camera while you are checking into a hotel, keep an extra-close eye on your credit cards; a commercial may be being filmed with you as the subject\/victim. <\/p>\n
When in Great Britain, remember to follow local customs and eat with a pair of tweezers. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Traveling abroad can be a wonderful experience, but it’s even better when you’re prepared. Here are some tips to help make your next trip a safe and enjoyable one: Get foreign TV schedules in advance to decide exactly what shows you want to watch. Always bellow, “I’m an American, you filthy foreign barbarians!” to ensure […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-324","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=324"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":543,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324\/revisions\/543"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=324"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=324"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=324"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}