Things My Mother Taught Me<\/p>\n
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE –
\n“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me RELIGION –
\n“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL –
\n“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me LOGIC –
\n“Because I said so, that’s why.”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me FORESIGHT –
\n“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me IRONY –
\n“Keep laughing and I’ll give you something to cry about.”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS –
\n“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM –
\n“Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me about STAMINA –
\n“You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished.”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me about WEATHER –
\n“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS –
\n“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY –
\n“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t Exaggerate!!!”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE –
\n“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION –
\n“Stop acting like your father!”<\/p>\n
My mother taught me about ENVY –
\n“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”<\/p>\n
THANKS, MOM!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Things My Mother Taught Me My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE – “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!” My mother taught me RELIGION – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL – […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-menvwomen"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=266"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":528,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/266\/revisions\/528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}