The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with the “Gummit” by labeling Black slang as a language, “Ebonics,” has decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this would be a Hickophone. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics\/English dictionary: <\/p>\n
HEIDI – noun. Greeting.<\/p>\n
HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: “Heidi. Hire yew.”<\/p>\n
BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”<\/p>\n
JAWJUH – noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Lanner. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”<\/p>\n
BAMMER – noun. The state just west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum. Usage: “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ left $20,000,000 in improvements.”<\/p>\n
MUNTS – noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”<\/p>\n
THANK – verb. Ability to cognitively process.<\/p>\n
BARE – noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”<\/p>\n
IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See “Arkansas native.” Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”<\/p>\n
RANCH – noun. A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts. Usage: “I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”<\/p>\n
ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”<\/p>\n
FAR – noun. A conflagration. Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”<\/p>\n
BAHS – noun. A supervisor. Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”<\/p>\n
TAR – noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”<\/p>\n
TIRE – noun. A tall monument. Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”<\/p>\n
RETARD – Verb. To stop working. Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”<\/p>\n
TARRED – adverb. Exhausted. Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”<\/p>\n
FAT – noun, verb. 1. A battle or combat. 2. To engage in battle or combat. Usage: “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’all.” <\/p>\n
RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”<\/p>\n
FARN – adjective. Not local. Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from some farn country.”<\/p>\n
DID – adjective. Not alive. Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”<\/p>\n
EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: “He cain’t breathe … give ‘im some ear!”<\/p>\n
BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”<\/p>\n
JEW HERE – Noun and verb contraction. Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”<\/p>\n
HAZE – a contraction. Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah … haze ignert. He ain’t thanked but a minnit ‘n ‘is laf.”<\/p>\n
SEED – verb, past tense.<\/p>\n
VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City… view?”<\/p>\n
HEAVY DEW – phrase. A request for action. Usage: “Kin I heavy dew me a favor? Go bah me that Linnerd Skinnerd tape.”<\/p>\n
GUMMIT – Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: “Them gummit boys shore are ignert.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with the “Gummit” by labeling Black slang as a language, “Ebonics,” has decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-256","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-northvsouth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/256","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=256"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/256\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=256"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=256"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=256"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}