On a Sear’s hairdryer:
\nDo not use while sleeping.
\n(Dang, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)<\/p>\n
On a bag of Fritos:
\n..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
\n(The shoplifter special?)<\/p>\n
On a bar of Dial soap:
\n“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
\n(And that would be how?)<\/p>\n
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
\n“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
\n(But, it’s “just” a suggestion.)<\/p>\n
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
\n“Do not turn upside down.”
\n(Well duh, a bit late, huh!)<\/p>\n
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
\n“Product will be hot after heating.”
\n(And you thought?)<\/p>\n
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
\n“Do not iron clothes on body.”
\n(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)<\/p>\n
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:
\n“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
\n(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
\njust get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)<\/p>\n
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
\n“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
\n(And I’m taking this because?)<\/p>\n
On most brands of Christmas lights:
\n“For indoor or outdoor use only.”
\n(As opposed to what?)<\/p>\n
On a Japanese food processor:
\n“Not to be used for the other use.”
\n(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)<\/p>\n
On Sunsbury’s peanuts:
\n“Warning: contains nuts.”
\n(Talk about a news flash.)<\/p>\n
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
\n“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
\n(Step 3: Maybe, fly Delta?)<\/p>\n
On a child’s superman costume:
\n“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
\n(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)<\/p>\n
On a Swedish chainsaw:
\n“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
\n(Oh my God, was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
On a Sear’s hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Dang, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/152","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=152"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/152\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=152"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=152"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=152"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}