1. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.<\/p>\n
2. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?<\/p>\n
3. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.<\/p>\n
4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?<\/p>\n
5. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?<\/p>\n
6. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?<\/p>\n
7. I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I’d be gone. I said, “The whole time.”<\/p>\n
8. So what’s the speed of dark?<\/p>\n
9. How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?<\/p>\n
10. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?<\/p>\n
11. Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?<\/p>\n
12. If you’re sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?<\/p>\n
13. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.<\/p>\n
14. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?<\/p>\n
15. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?<\/p>\n
16. Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?<\/p>\n
17. When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.<\/p>\n
18. If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?<\/p>\n
19. Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?<\/p>\n
20. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?<\/p>\n
21. Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?<\/p>\n
22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?<\/p>\n
23. If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?<\/p>\n
24. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?<\/p>\n
25. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?<\/p>\n
26. Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?<\/p>\n
27. Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?<\/p>\n
28. Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?<\/p>\n
29. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?<\/p>\n
30. If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?<\/p>\n
31. What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?<\/p>\n
32. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?<\/p>\n
33. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?<\/p>\n
34. When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!<\/p>\n
35. Do fish get cramps after eating?<\/p>\n
36. Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?<\/p>\n
37. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?<\/p>\n
38. Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?<\/p>\n
39. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?<\/p>\n
40. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?<\/p>\n
41. Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not a door?<\/p>\n
42. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.<\/p>\n
43. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?<\/p>\n
44. If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress?<\/p>\n
45. Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?<\/p>\n
46. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?<\/p>\n
47. Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?<\/p>\n
48. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?<\/p>\n
49. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?<\/p>\n
50. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?<\/p>\n
51. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?<\/p>\n
52. What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?<\/p>\n
53. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?<\/p>\n
54. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?<\/p>\n
55. Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent?<\/p>\n
56. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?<\/p>\n
57. Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?<\/p>\n
58. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.<\/p>\n
59. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?<\/p>\n
60. Isn’t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?<\/p>\n
61. War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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