The Catholic Dictionary
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AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.<\/p>\n
BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass.<\/p>\n
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.<\/p>\n
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.<\/p>\n
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.<\/p>\n
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.<\/p>\n
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!<\/p>\n
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.<\/p>\n
JONAH: The original “Jaws” story.<\/p>\n
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.<\/p>\n
KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.<\/p>\n
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.<\/p>\n
MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.<\/p>\n
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.<\/p>\n
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.<\/p>\n
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass – led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.<\/p>\n
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.<\/p>\n
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.<\/p>\n
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The Catholic Dictionary -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-108","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-religious"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/108","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=108"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/108\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=108"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=108"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emails.paragonis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=108"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}